The Power of Being Other-Centered

God understands our human tendency to be self-centered. He knows that our hearts often tend to think of ourselves first and take care of ourselves before others. He says, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” He also says to “prefer one another” because He knows our sinful hearts tend to prefer ourselves. God also says that the second greatest commandment is to love our neighbor as ourselves—so how do we do that?

Loving well is the essence of true spirituality.
– Pete Scazzero

In His divine wisdom, God understands that we often want to take care of ourselves, protect ourselves, and fight for our rights. We so quickly want to be heard and understood first! However, when God transforms us to love others as ourselves, we begin to care for them, protect them, and fight for their rights! This will require us to listen, ask questions, and empathize to truly understand. Once someone is heard and understood, their hearts are better positioned to receive a different perspective because they feel honored, respected, and valued. St. Francis of Assisi says, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” However, we must be cautious not to devalue ourselves in order to become other-centered. God’s command to love others is not given because we are not valuable or because others are more valuable than us. We must be cautious not to buy into the lie that the humble, other-centered life means ignoring our own needs and focusing only on others. Actually, the extent to which we love ourselves is the extent to which we can love others well. In God’s sight, we are ALL valuable and of high worth. The Bible actually values our needs and self-care. According to Cloud and Townsend, our needs are intended to propel us into growth, and neglecting them leads to emotional and spiritual problems. Having them meet, however, frees us to meet others’ needs without resentment.

Everyone desires and deserves to be heard and understood. To be known and loved is the greatest need of all our hearts. When we are other-centered and “seek first to understand,” we love others well. Ultimately, we all enjoy healthy, holy relationships.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
-St. Francis of Assisi